Back to basics…

Since it seems like every time I log on here it is nothing but venting and all. I have decided to post other things as well. So I will go back to posting about things that bug me as well as Celebs and there problems.

So first post coming soon. Just who to talk about first?

 

Thoughts as of lately (Part 2)

**I thought part 2 would be more of a brighter part but no…more venting on bull and all. Please read part 1 first. Click here for P.1**

It seemed like after I posted my Thoughts as of Lately piece that some more bullshit has came up in the process. There isn’t a few days that go by without you calling to DEMAND something. That demanding crap is not working and as you can see it is STILL NOT working. If you can not tell me why the hell you are requesting it, then there is NO need for you to even bother. And that “its business” or “personal reasons” crap isn’t working either.

Come to think of it…how in the hell are you going to say that NOW you are concerned about our child? I mean you weren’t that concerned when we were together because I was the one taking care of him. Yes I said, I. I am the one that makes his appointments to EVERYTHING, take him EVERYWHERE, and make sure he is WELL TAKEN CARE OF. So now you want to know what doctors are saying but together it was just,

You: “What the doctor say?”

Me: “Just a shot and he is fine.”

You: “Oh ok.”

Then go back to what ever the hell you were doing, which consisted of: Sleeping, Sleeping, Playing the video game, Being lazy and Sleeping. Oh and the kicker right now is you JUST now seeing that YOU DON”T KNOW ANYTHING about our child?!?

Like really?? You don’t know anything about him, oh my bad yes you do. He likes to watch TV, peanut butter jelly sandwiches, and cars. So you have to call my people to know figure out what he likes and where is he getting certain phases from. That is too funny. Even when you were in the household you still didn’t take the time to get to know him or really spend time with him. That is why he was ALWAYS with ME. You always wanted to do things as a group and not one on one with him. Were you scared that you might actually have a bond with him? I mean, I have one and it is crazy. I can not keep the boy away from me. But then again I did things with him solo and I know what he likes and dislikes. I know how he likes his sandwiches with a certain fruit on the side. What his favorite colors are and what he has to sleep with so he doesn’t have bad dreams.

You are too funny and it is a shame that you rather pawn him off on other people so that you can just say, “Oh I have my son.” Yes, you do but you don’t really have him. As I said you pawn him off. Even together he was pawned off when I had to run an errand. Oh my bad again, he was with me. It could of been so hot the devil was sitting on the porch with a fan or so cold polar bears were walking down the street. HE WAS WITH ME.

I actually think back to when I found out I was pregnant and I actually thought about not telling you what so ever. Was just gonna kick it with you for a while longer and then be done with you. I would of raised my child solo dolo and would of been fine. I would have to deal with the occasional question from him, “Mom where is my dad?” But I would of said something and it would of been fine. I guess I just didn’t want to have to deal with situations like this.

Was I blind? Maybe.

Was I scared? Who wouldn’t be.

Was I going to take care of business? You damn right.

If anyone has ended up pregnant they should be able to take care of that child. If the father is there or not. Period! It could just be the way I was raised and seen how my mother was able to do it solo. It will be hard but if you have a strong support system behind you, you will be able to raise that child to be great. Where you look at them and want to cry because you know they are going to be something one day. All because you didn’t give up on them, lie to them, run out on them, or just fail. If you have to be the MOTHER and FATHER then so be it.

**Thoughts as of lately (Part 3) will be posted soon.Hopefully that one won’t be so angry.**

Eye Candy of the Day

@LanceGross

Thoughts as of lately…

Over the last few months a few things have happened for the good and bad (so far here is the bad). I would have to say that I am learning who I am a little more each day as a person and as a mother. It’s hard work but to see the results is worth it. Not to mention starting school soon to help me as a writer and in many other things.

I thought this whole process would be going a little bit smoother but again you can imagine. Like we are adults but that doesn’t mean anything. Now things are done through other people and it will stay that way until people mature. In that last sentence I am referring to myself as well. I will admit that I haven’t been acting like much of an adult when dealing with this situation. And neither has the “other” party as well. Someone said that I sound bitter. That just might be because instead of acting mature and talking it out after things ended (which what we were doing until “someone” went crazy) people went into defense mode and bargaining mode. Like that person actually said, “We suppose to grieve together on this.” Last time I checked people feeling leave at the drop of a hat. Mine just so happened to leave years ago.

As I have told a few people, I believe I was still in the relationship because we had a child together. I didn’t want to believe the feelings I was having but I did. Placed them on the back shelf in the closet to collect dust. But one day after EVERY THING that went down over the years I couldn’t take it. The arguments and accusations caused that shelf to shift and shake that dust off and show me that I wasn’t happy. So yes we grown distant and I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to be with you anymore. But that wasn’t just the problem that we had…No. It was COMMUNICATION. I will say that I didn’t do that during our time. Never liked to argue or yell. But that was the only time things were getting said, through arguing. Which is the sad part.

But that is behind me but it is still gonna bother me over the next few years that as of right now I have to deal with you for years to come and I don’t look forward to it. The way you come off talking to people now is not going to work or help the situation. They had nothing to do with it. They are just passing on the information. You are constantly calling and bugging people because you want to know where our child is getting things from. Well if you didn’t fly over the coo-coo nest you would know first hand. Yes I said it, you turned fucking crazy with a capital C. That is why you were checking into the mental house for 2-3 weeks at a time. And not to mention the time you were seeking attention and said you took some pills. That was for ATTENTION and everyone knows it. But come to find out you didn’t take any pills, no you were getting ready for work and when the people arrived you caught an attitude with me because the police, fire department and ambulance arrived trying to help your ass. They were ready to pump your stomach and everything. Instead of getting the, “damn she do still care” I get cussed out and threaten that your gonna burn down my house and bring pain to everyone that is around me. Hmm, I’m not a rocket scientist but yep, you jumped the gun and went crazy. Then three minutes later you calling to see if I can get you out the mental house…ha! No I wasn’t, you weren’t stable and you needed help. You didn’t want to listen to me anymore, you were too busy still crying and begging for the same thing that I didn’t want anymore.

I guess that is why I am today towards you. That I don’t want to be bothered by you. So third party is the only way to go right now. Yes that seems cold of me but come on now. During that whole ordeal I was calm and dealing with it. Getting calls from you while your in that place. But I accepted them anyway, to show you that I didn’t have any bad feelings towards you. Even after you settled down for a while, we were still communicating but then BOOM! You said you didn’t want to be bothered by me or our son plus you were still trying to kill yourself. So I distanced myself because I didn’t want to be bothered no more by that mess. It was to the point where I said, “stop telling people you bout to kill yourself and do it already. Still crying for attention I see.” I was done and sick and tired of him boo hooing, crying, begging and what not all the damn time. Now your on some demanding type shit and that don’t work with me. You don’t need nothing from me about our son. I make doctor appointments, dentist, sports, school and everything else. And that was when we were together and after. Hell all you wanted to do was play the fucking XBox and be left alone. That could be why you don’t know anything about our son. Not to mention all the shit that was already going on with you, which at the point as well its a whatever to me. I’m done and tired of it.

I know ya’ll are probably tired of reading about that and my bad I just had to vent. Was still bottled up and all. Shit still bothers me but one day at a time, right? I have more to say but thing will be it for this blog…guess I will make a part two on how things are and what I am doing to better myself in the future.

Jay-Z f/ B.I.C – Glory

Really like this song he made.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&v=qGFAFvV4dpI